"Considering the nature and tactics of the investigation, what is my current status regarding things sexual? What about elicit substances? What are the public statements I must make regarding involvement in such topics"?
Simply put, I must defend my character publicly. It's not an easy thing to do, nor is it entirely comfortable; however, it is necessary.
The most devastating (also somewhat of a blessing in disguise) aspect of the investigations tactics has been the rumor and slander campaign regarding my character and person.
To have rumors spread through communities that one is a drug addict/alcoholic prone to severe bouts of memory loss and with an uncontrollable taste for underage women, porn and other sorts of obsessions, is, literally, to have every social and societal support mechanism pulled out from under one's feet.
Suddenly, the world one has known and prospered in for over 30 years is not only dangerous, but also highly, highly unfriendly.
This has certainly been the case with my experiences; however, as stated, this has been a blessing in disguise as, knowing the truth of the matters, I have had to fight and fight, on many occasions having to learn a variety of new subjects and skills, simply to get my story out and, on many occasions, survive with my personal sovereignty intact.
(Okay, lets be brutally honest here; I will, indeed, very occasionally find myself gazing upon a naked lovely while on the internet; I mean, come on, already ... that's one of the great contributions the internet has made to mankind after all ... free porn. I don't have a problem with owning that and nor do I care to necessarily defend or argue in support of said claim; it's simply true and I'm quite alright with it. But also being brutally honest ... it's an exceptionally rare occasion and it certainly does not include any illegal or even near *questionably* legal materials of any kind. Furthermore, having somewhat of a normal social upbringing, and knowing my share of american males ... such activities on my part are near microscopic in occurence compared to the average joe.)
That said ...
I am not what could be called a regular user of, subscriber to, or purchaser of, pornographic materials.
I own no pornographic materials of any kind, be it printed or digital.
My online activity, except the occasional pop-up that is beyond my control, includes no activity *habitually* devoted to the acquisition or retention of pornographic materials.
I have never, nor do I aspire to ever produce any materials of even the slightest pornographic nature.
In short, I could care less about pornography.
These statements should not be interpreted to mean I have never seen or even looked at online porn, because indeed I have; similarly, as with most men in our society, I've viewed (even with much delight!) the occasional playboy or penthouse magazine; I consider these normal and somewhat unassailable behaviors insofar as their supposed indication of aberrance.
Sex rocks, plain and simple. I am certainly a fan of it and I have had many wonderful relationships, both serious and not so. I am, as of the time of this writing, 38 years old and I am no newcomer to such subjects.
If a pattern is visible in my past regarding sexual behaviors, it could only be one that is primarily concerned with monogamy and relationships that are more than skin deep; that is not to say there has not been the occasional fling along they way, however, because their certainly has been.
I cite this here as a part of my public affirmations as the sexually deviant subjects of stalking and predation have been pushed by those involved in the investigations rumor mill and slander operations; in fact, I know for a fact that many of the attempts to create hysteria in my various communities have utilized false witness testimony to quite matter-of-factly claim I had exhibited traits that are associated with stalking and sexual predation.
Also, I have it on record from a number of my long time friends that certain past girl friends of mine, in the interest of building this public image of myself as deviant, have been convinced by others acting as informants or otherwise, that I am somehow fanatically obsessed with them or that I am somehow desperate to rekindle the flame, even that I stalk or lurk about their homes or work places!
For the future, I certainly will and do maintain an optimistic mood regarding further romantic encounters; however, not only am I rather picky insofar as who I might spend my time with, stated frankly, sex simply is not that great of a priority; Furthermore, I will most likely remain romantically uninvolved with any other person for the duration of that time necessary to obtain the necessary proof of an investigation against me; this public affirmation applies to the remainder of my adult life if necessary.
Another fact easily confirmed by my long term social circles and network of acquaintances is that, by and large, if I had to chose over the personal work that I enjoy and continue to take part in, (music, art, study) or time spent pursuing sex, I'd generally chose the work.
Point is, I can take or leave sex and certainly do approach my occasional serious relationships with a great deal of consideration towards the potential impacts on my personal time.
More on the whole Stalker(tm) angle, here.
The other weapon of choice in the hands of the investigators has been to leverage the fact that I had a drug problem as a teenager; this as a means of garnering support for any given set-up they might devise that could involve illicit substances.
It's much easier for the investigators to frame me on a drug charge as they can simply use the old disease/addict/denial argument; not to mention combining that argument with the memory dysfunction/black-outs slant.
Therefore, the following personal affirmations must be made regarding my use of drugs and alcohol:
I DO NOT use illicit or illegal drugs of any kind; this includes marijuana, cocaine, pharmaceuticals or any other illegal substance.
I DO, let me repeat, I DO drink alcohol on an occasional basis (and i enjoy every second of it's debauched goodness, i might add), at most, two or three beers a week, during those times of the year in which I actually chose to drink at all.
Once more, as with many of the other past behaviors discussed on this page, there is available a wealth of testimony from my more recent (past 5 years) and my traditional, long term Houston social circles to support these claims.
Throughout the time of my being aware of the investigation and it's tactics, it has become strikingly clear to me that many of the persons involved in the rumor and harassment efforts against me have been pooled from my long standing ties to the social circles around the Houston Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) groups.
Certain of the persons I still retain as acquaintances from such social networks are the very same that have occasionally confided in me their awareness of the investigation, even up to warning me of possible set-us.
Furthermore, I know it is the goal of the investigators, after successfully setting me up via some sort of drug related scenario, to court mandate my attendance of AA type programs here in the Houston area, both as a way of solidifying the image they have worked to construct of my being a drug user and as well as a means of creating a controlled environment within which more psychosocial/"street theatre" dramas could be easily realized. (See my thoughts on detonation and secondary set-up events)
Why am I discussing AA, you might ask?
Because, as a teenager, I really did have a problem with elicit substances, namely, cocaine.
This is no secret to my family or any of my long-term friends.
When I was 17 years old, I voluntarily entered a treatment program because I was becoming terrified at how much of my life was being taken over by my addiction to cocaine; I had only used the drug for about 8 months at the time.
It was a very nasty thing, cocaine, and since those teen years, I've certainly never been so much as tempted to use it again.
I'm 38 years old, now, by the way.
That experience is some 19 years in my past.
As a part of recovering from the use of that substance, like most young persons who find themselves in such straits, I was immediately introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous, where, having been truly downtrodden and beaten up by my circumstances, I quickly acclimated myself to the culture and processes and began making strides in what's very dramatically, in AA circles, referred to as, 'my program.'
AA was not all a bad thing, in fact, I owe a great deal to it and what it gave me in the way of training and support in learning how to live a normal, passionate life.
The bad part comes when you want to leave AA, and possibly (god forbid!), consume alcohol.
I'll just say it outright, having had seven years experience with it; AA is, at the core, a cult.
Understand, in AA, alcohol is, basically, equivalent to the idea of satan; it is the Ultimate Evil(tm) to the serious AA lifer.
Everything the serious AA lifer does, from forming social relations, to looking for work, to planning their day and eventual attendance of a daily meeting, revolves around the avoidance of anything related to the consumption of alcohol. I've really never seen anything like it in the way of a behavior-set, literally manufactured around what I consider to be a flawed theory (the disease concept).
AA lifers literally believe that to remain sober, even to simply have a productive life, they must attend AA meetings for the rest of their life and, most importantly, that they can never partake of alcohol again.
They believe they suffer from a biological disease that will always prevent them from making decisions for themselves and that certainly prevents them from consuming alcohol without disastrous effects.
Myself? I never bought into the disease aspect of addiction, and I still don't; I simply have not found support for such a definition of drug addiction and/or alcoholism in my life.
Drug and alcohol addiction are real, don't get me wrong; I believe this.
Yet I personally believe it has more to do with a person's existing passions and priorities, more so than it does with one's biological ability to make decisions for oneself.
The AA lifer says:
"I will always be sick and can never consume alcohol," he or she is literally programmed to believe this and so it becomes true in his or her life."
"I never consume any substance to the point of interfering with my life, my passions and/or my work," I have seen this demonstrated as accurate via my own experience and so it is true in my life."
It's an easy decision to make, really.
If something is going to get in the way of my relations, work and/or artistic endeavors, then it simply cannot remain as a factor in my life; this idea has been borne out time and time again since my leaving AA. I have excelled in every area of my life, from professional/career endeavors to my more personal explorations of literature, music and art, since leaving that organization.
So, the point of this brief bit of personal history, stated here in this most public of venues, is to demonstrate that it is known to me that the investigators are using this factual set of historical events, much like one would use a lever or pulley, to simplify their task of meeting any of the investigations main objectives, most importantly the behavioral science objective of personal isolation and free reign in conducting whatever sorts of invasive, or not so, investigations of my personal history.
"Once an addict, always an addict," or, "man, your denial is unbelievable," etc.
Personally, I don't buy it.